And I am stuck here at work on a beautiful spring afternoon. I am so tempted to call her and say “Are you taking a nap? I sure wish I was taking a nap. Must be nice, being home in the afternoon, taking a nap…”
But I am a little tired of fixing computers. Really.
I know, I know. It’s not like me to be tired of fixing computers, but the thing that I am discovering is that there are hundreds and hundreds of broken ones out there… and they are all buggered in different ways…
and the folks with the least ability to pay to have them fixed have the machines that are the most fuxxored.
I got a call the other morning from some professor who told me that he was getting all of his email that he sent to AOL bounced. But his tone was so mewly and demanding that I immediately assumed that he was doing something wrong. So I kind of moved it to the backburner. He was the only person that I had heard about that was having the problem and usually that’s a dead sign that it’s user error. Plus, he sounded like such a complete putz. There seems to be an inverse relationship between the more petulant a client sounds, the less competent they are likely to be.
I sent the one of the addresses in question an email. It didn’t bounce. Case closed. AOL is receiving mail from our SMTP server just fine. Guy must be a moron.
Day two. Still having these problems. He informs me via email that he has had a message bounce again, though he suspects that it’s because the attachment was too big. I send him an email asking him how big the attachment was. 550 mb. Yes. Too big.
BUT, he insists, the other emails didn’t have attachments. His tone, still kind of pissy…. I think “Whatever, Dr. Tenure.”
Well, today, he forwards the email error messages to me and tells me that it’s getting to be more frequent, so I print one out, go down the hall where the smart people work, and show it to Jean. She scratches her head. Our servers are truncating the error message and she can’t make heads or tails of it. We query the email data base for similar errors, just to see how many other people might be having the same problem…
and there are 41,000 other error messages, exactly like this one, that have been bounced from AOL.
Apparently, some WINDOWS USER in the dorms has had their computer compromised and it is being used to hose AOL users with spam. Our SMTP server has been blocked and NO ONE from our students and professors IP addresses can send email to AOL.
Professor Squeaky Wheel has been the only one to complain. Next time, just because someone sounds like a pain in the ass, I won’t automatically treat them like a pain in the ass.
All that stuff I mentioned in the previous post? Don’t do any of it. Just let your machine go to hell. Let all your data get corrupted. Then call me and BEG for my help.
My answer will be swift and final- “Sorry, you’re fucked. I am out of the Fixin’ home users’ machines for damn-near-free business.”
Look, if you’re going to use your computer to run your business from home, and you’re going to ask people like me to support it, do the following things, PLEASE:
1. Make a backup of your important data
2. See number one.
3. See number one again.
4. Don’t download and install four copies of Netscape, ok?
5. Why are you still using Office 98?
6. I have two words for you: Norton Utilities.
7. If you take your car to a mechanic after driving it 100,000 miles without changing the oil, then he puts a new air filter on and you throw a rod…. it’s not the mechanic’s fault, ok?
I had a terrible support experience, last night. Just goddawful. I think that I am done fixing computers for people that can’t afford my usual rate. If you make enough money to afford to pay for my services, chances are it’s because your computers have had some maintenance.
Y’know, I get one of these warnings from Information Security here at my job just about every day, and the 2nd and 3rd lines of the email are always the same:
“Systems Affected: Windows 2000, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows Me,
Windows NT, Windows Server 2003, Windows XP
Systems Not Affected: DOS, Linux, Macintosh, OS/2, UNIX, Windows 3.x”
SO, Windows can be just as safe as the Mac, Linux or OS/2, so long as the version that you are running is ten years old.
He’s hopping around with one leg all bandaged. Sunday he mostly rested and looked pitiful. This morning he was as full-of-beans and feisty as ever, so he’s going to be fine.
The stitches are to come out in ten days.
Pictures will be posted later today, I think.
And I will never start to refer to myself in the third person. Nope.
If this DJ thing starts to become a thing for me, and I start getting some attention for it, I should make some promises to my friends and people that love me…
– I will not start to talk like someone I am not. K? No, I will not begin to refer to any strange behavior that I exhibit as “Just trying to keep it real, yo…” (Although that would be a funny attempt at justifying something like vomiting on someone’s cat. “*Urp!* Whoops. Sorry, G. Whew. Just trying to keep it real, yo…”)
– And…. the tagging thing just baffles me.
– I will not get “L’ecole vieux” tattooed across my belly in two inch tall Olde English script. (Although it might make a great t-shirt.)
– I will never threaten to shoot someone over a dispute involving beats per minute.
I’ve never been one of the cool kids, so having had a really good time playing records for other people (and getting paid for it) isn’t about to alter my speech patterns, mode of dress, or induce me to bizarre new anti-social behavior with cans of spray paint. I may, however, start keeping my digital camera a little closer at hand. In case Barbarella shows up again. You should have been there….