Norbizness is my hero

Norbizness watched the debates last night, so I didn’t have to. “But… But….” I hear you say, “aren’t you worried about not being ‘informed’?”

Well, if not knowing a fucking thing about anything doesn’t bother the President, why should it bother me?

Plus, The Mighty Norb has the transcript:

Here’s the transcript, with alterations and severe compacting, of course.

BUSH: Good evening. Tonight I will discuss two vital priorities for the American people, and then I’ll answer your questions, even the ones from people who don’t fellate me.

You want cheap gas. I want it too. Maybe somebody could help a brotha out. There will be no price gouging at gas pumps in America. You’re going to take your reaming by the Saudis straight, with no chaser.

So here’s my four-point program: (1) conservate (2) innovate (3) hydrogenate and (4) help others conservate. None of this is really in the so-called “energy bill,” which is mostly a series of giveaways to bloated multinational oil corporations. Which is a good thing, but there’s no time to explain.

Congress also needs to address the challenges facing Social Security. I’ve traveled the country to talk with selected groups of highly screened but still strangely unenthusiastic American people. They were like dead fish, all pasty and unresponsive. Oh, that reminds me… whatever I say here tonight, do not apply the same reasoning to Medicare. I know fuck-all about Medicare. OK, then.

There are a lot of baby boomers. They will be retiring. Logan’s Run is not yet a reality. Therefore, Social Security will go bankrupt 20 years after Japan and China foreclose on the American government with their super-currency.

There’s more.

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